Pineapple Juice and The Music of the Life and Soul....

I sat there in the balcony sipping the cool pineapple juice. It was not too sweet.I like it this way.I made a mental note to add a little bit of sugar before Raaga comes back from college.She likes it a tad sweeter...

Raaga,my darling teenage daughter, is in the most unpredictable and roller coaster phase of her life.Oh yea, she is in her teens and life is so difficult managing her moods!

I wondered how I was when I was a teenager and I made yet another mental note to ask mom about it that weekend.I had planned a short trip week ago to visit my native where my parents lived and just as predicted Raaga is now refusing to come there.

She says she hates the village side! The main reason - no Wi-Fi and so she will be missing all the action on Twitter, FB, Whatsapp and what not!

I sighed!I did not know how to talk to her . I did not know when she was in a good mood or when she was having an off day. The little girl who used to come running to me and share all the things right from finding a small lady bug under the leaves to telling me about the guys at the bus stop admiring her looks was now avoiding me!

For the past couple of weeks, she had gone into a shell. She does not want to talk to me or even see me. The very few questions that I have to ask or the things I have to say are always met with a grunt. I began to think if she is in love and hiding it from me.

Ah!That is not even possible! She is just a child, I told myself. But then what can it be!?

She is in her room most of the times with the doors locked. She piles the food hurried onto her plate and runs back to her room like someone is chasing her.

I even spoke casually to her friends and they too said she has become distant now! I am totally lost here! My husband,to whom I conveyed my fears and misgivings, brushed me aside telling me that this is just 'the phase' and she will grow out of it.

So I decided to take a bold step- Confront her and get the matter out. So that's the reason I made this pineapple juice and the chocolate cake,two of her favorites and she can never say no to these two how ever bad her mood may be!

I heard the gate creak and hurried outside. Raaga did not even want to look at me as she went past me. I wondered what she was hiding from me.

She looked at the cake and then at me and then hurried off into her room. I ran to catch her before she could close the door...

Raaga, wait, I want to talk to you...

I am busy...

But you just came home...

I have work to do.Leave me alone....

Please Raaga, at least have that cake and juice.....

I don't want to..I  mean..I don't like it.....

Common dear, tell me what is the matter...Do you have a problem?Let us sort it out together....

You are my problem...Or should I say, I am your problem...

I was shell shocked! How could she say such a thing!

Do you know what you are talking? I asked raising my voice a little

Oh yea, I know what I am talking about!

That is a very rude thing to say. Do you know how much that hurt?

Not really madam! Do you know how much you have hurt me!

What? Hurt you.. Never in my dreams...

Please.. Stop all this .. I know you are not my mother... I know everything...

I was shocked beyond belief! What made her talk like this was something I could not even imagine...

I now know why you don't let me dress the way I want. Reenu wears those micro skirts to the party and you never even let me wear those knee length skirts and most of the times you never let me attend those parties! And you always boss around me.And I have to go to the native just because you have to.I have to do this and that just because you want me to and not because you really care .

 Reenu's mom is so sweet. She let's Reenu do as she pleases! She never interferes in her matters and that's because Reenu has a 'real ' mother who loves her a lot. Unlike me Reenu isn't their adopted child..And..And.....I saw those adoption papers in your cupboard and......  Words failed Raaga after this.She was sobbing inconsolably and turned her face away from me....

I went to the kitchen and took a huge piece of the cake and the pitcher of juice to her room. I half expected her bang the door as soon as I turned my back but she hadn't. I quietly placed the things on her table and walked out tears streaming down my face.I cursed myself and walked away from her room.

Raaga was sitting on the bed, covering her face and sobbing loudly. I knew she would not come down for dinner and Hemanth would come home late!I was cursing my luck and the awful state fate got me into and fell back on the chair....

Hemanth was right. We should have told Raaga about the adoption and all the other things. Or at least I should have destroyed those adoption papers.But I was so adamant that he had given up trying to reason it out. If she had known it earlier, Raaga would not have reacted so badly now.And more over why did she blame only me! Her father too was into this too, right!?

My mind paced...Poor child, what does she know!And what could she do? It is only natural to see her react like this and what else did I expect!I should have listened to Hemanth.

I made up my mind to talk to her but at this very moment she was not in a mood to listen to me or talk to me. So I decided to wait a little longer....

I had to tell her the truth..the whole truth....

Five years into the marriage and we found out that we just could not have kids of our own. So many tests and treatments later, we gave up hope and looked out for other options.Finally, Hemanth and myself decided to adopt a kid from the city orphanage.

We looked for the healthiest and possibly a cute kid in there. I wanted to raise a normal kid and I wasn't ready for one that was sickly or with health problems.And  I really did not want a martyr tag!So we got home a healthy baby girl , named her Raaga-the music of our life! I was the happiest person on earth.

We poured all our love and got her everything that a kid would ever want! We wanted her to be the happiest girl. I hid the adoption file in the topmost shelf,farthest corner of my cupboard and wished it would magically disappear and no one would ever know about this...

Tears now rolled down freely and I sat there thinking how I could explain all this and more to Raaga.....

Our life was like a fairy tale and as someone said, good things don't last for ever.Our little Raaga passed away in a tragic accident!Along with her were her school friends and they were on a picnic I was inconsolable and numb.

 And exactly at the same time,we found out that I was pregnant!Doctors called this a medical miracle yet I did not feel the ecstasy that mothers feel when they hear this happy news. Hemanth was my pillar of strength as ever and slowly he helped me limp back to normalcy. Raaga was in my mind at all times and each and every thing in the house reminded me of her.

So Hemanth and myself decided to shift to a new place where we wanted to piece back our life and we desperately hoped that we could get back our little baby girl. And it felt like God had finally answered our prayers and we did get back the little princess we had lost.

I loved little one as soon as I saw her. Her ear piercing cry as soon as she was born was music to my ears and her soft skin against mine was the medicine to my wounds. I held her close and never wanted to put her back into the cradle.

The moment Hemanth saw her he announced that we will be calling her Raaga and I suddenly felt a huge weight lift off me. I did not know why, but I felt at peace. I was sure I will be missing the little Raaga that we had lost but this Raaga will be the music to our soul!

So, this darling of a girl who had just shouted at me never knew the daughter we had lost and all the happiness she gave us when she was born is still crying in her room...

Hemanth will be here soon and I am wondering how I am going to put these facts into words. Hemanth is good at that and I will make him do the talking....

Oh yes, I must also tell Raaga about Reenu. I just heard a few years back from a friend of mine at the ladies club that Reenu's mom was actually her step mom and she never really bothered about Reenu. No wonder ! I have often seen her dress like a teenager and never really care about Reenu or what she is up to!I also heard Reenu was into drugs, thanks to all those parties that I had forbidden Raaga to attend!

I am trying to protect my daughter from all the demons outside and make her a better human being but look how she calls me!!

I can't help but shed tears.....

I hear the gate creak... I have to cry myself out to Hemanth. And he will do all the explaining to her.....

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This piece of fiction is for the Blogging Marathon #33, week 3, day 2, with the theme - Food and Fiction....



All you need to make this simple juice is Fresh pineapple pieces, water and sugar!

Blend the pineapple pieces with a little water and sugar. Strain and add more water if required. Serve chilled!!!



Here are the other food and fiction posts.Check them out if you are free....

Bon Appetit...


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